If You Give a Boy a Suit…

…. he’ll want some shoes to go with it.

And the wild events that didn’t all transpire.

By Cameron

Breaking News 02/12/18: Vietnam

On February 10, 2018, a United States citizen, while abroad in Hoi An, Vietnam, made arrangements for the purchase of an assortment of made-to-measure clothing articles of various premium materials, including, wool, cashmere, silk, cotton, and leather. The monetary transaction reportedly took place over the course of two days in four instalments of both cash and credit, using USD, Vietnamese Dong, a Visa, and an Amex. The suspicious nature of this transaction was reported by a government intelligence agency that requested to remain anonymous in favor of international security. Both Visa and American Express have refused to comment.

Today in Ho Chi Minh City, a Canadian citizen was spotted in possession of the exact same articles of clothing purchased by the American a few hundred miles north in Hoi An. Unconfirmed reports put the Canadian at a similar height and stature to the American.

Meanwhile, in the West, tensions are on the rise, and a few outspoken political scientists suggest that we could be on the brink of another cold war. Retired Professor of Political Science, Dr. Larry Martinez, who is currently in Vietnam, reports that it has already begun.

More on this story as it unfolds…

Breaking News 02/14/18:

More on the “clothing skirmish in Vietnam.”

We have received information that today the Canadian citizen left Vietnam, in possession of the clothes, on a ship headed for Myanmar (Burma). The United States citizen has also reportedly left the country, and his current whereabouts remain unknown.

Meanwhile, in Washington, when asked about the rising tensions and reports of Cold War, President Trump responded, “It’s gonna be [h]uge.” In Ottawa, the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was not available for comment.

Recent events have brought to light that the clothes consisted of a jacket, trousers, two waistcoats, two shirts, and a pair shoes. It has been noted that the clothes were purchased from two different tailor shops. Reportedly there are over five-hundred tailor shops in the city, and an investigation is currently underway as to the significance of the selection of the shops in question.

More on this story as it unfolds…

Breaking News 02/16/18:

There has been no update on the whereabouts either the Canadian or the American.

The two countries appear to be preparing for the eventuality of war.

It has been revealed that the American is a resident of Washington State, and US public schools in the greater Seattle area and other major cities along the Canadian/American border are now conducting drills in the eventuality of a full-scale invasion by Canadian troops.

American troops have been seen rallying in the streets and martial law is on the tip of everyone’s tongue. Citizens are being advised to stay inside, and communications with our reporters afield have been restricted.

More on this story as it unfolds…

Breaking News 02/17/18:

The War Has Turned Hot!

The Canadian invasion has begun.

Today mass panic was reported in the City of Woodinville, WA as Canadian soldiers march through the streets. A resistance band of high school students from the greater Seattle area, led by eleventh grader, Fletcher Weld, has formed as the Youth Resistance to Foreign Occupation Movement of Seattle. Martial law is of no use, as the American forces have been overwhelmed and forced to retreat. The YRFOMS is all that stands between the Canadian forces and progressing south into Tacoma and is seen as the last hope for the residents of Woodinville.

Across the country, US citizens express worry as to if their city will be next. So far, no one knows.

The Canadian and American are now missing, and Burmese navy has been charged with locating their whereabouts and refusing them entry to the country.

More on this story as it unfolds…

Breaking News 02/18/18:

Peace Declared in Washington!

A truce has been anounced, and there are cheers throughout the country as the YRFOMS escorts the Canadian troops as they are withdrawn to the forty-ninth parallel in a grand procession along I-5.

PM Trudeau is scheduled for a flight to Washington to formally address the American people and apologize for the incident.

The Burmese navy have found both the Canadian and the American aboard the same ship, the World Odyssey. It has been revealed that they are in fact the same individual! Cameron Schmitter, aged sixteen years old is a lifelong-learner on a trip around the world with Semester at Sea. He is a dual citizen of the disputing countries, and this fact has been the sole factor in the end of the war. All is now well in his home town of Woodinville, WA and he is happy to receive news that his father has been reported safe, skiing in through twenty inches of powder at the Stevens Pass Ski Resort, completely oblivious to the whole affair. “Ha! Typical,” says Cameron.

In other news, the Martian government is now under scrutiny for the Martian Intelligence Agency’s role in the supplying the of initial alert to the “crisis.”

More on this story as it unfolds…

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